mirriors

i once heard a quote “the mirror reflects only what you expect to see.” which is true. i mean yeah. whats there is there, theres no way to change that. but you can perceive how you see it. ive struggled so hard with this concept. in my mind, ive always been chubby, always more of an ugly betty than a snow white. when i look in the mirrior thats what i expect to see. i expect to see the girl i dislike so much that i cant go anywhere with out make up and three outfit changes to make sure that im to my best advantage. ive never been able to except when people call me pretty. my boyfriend calls me gorgeous every single day and still, i dont beleive it. because what did i ever do to be considered pretty. im short, average build and hardly special in any way. and still he assures me of my beauty. how is that possible? ive struggled with anorexia since i was twelve. four years. and im just getting over it. im trying to change how i preceive life. but its so hard when i have four years the opposite of that. baby steps tho. things like this dont happen over night. baby steps.

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