At the seams

Not everyday is a good day . I guess today is one of those days. Where you feel the universe collapsing around you. But if fire victims can rise from hundreds of pounds of rubble, I can rise from proverbial  rubble and go on . so that’s my advice for the day. Rise! Because I know you can do it.
So, lately I’ve been looking at colleges, even though I’m only a junior (16) in high school. I’ve always dreamed of going to college and so I’m going to make it happen. My parents have always supported me in my decision, although we differ on location. I’m liking UCLA and they prefer Berkeley. But I know either eway they’ll be proud. Especially when I get my degree in journalism! I will be the first in my family to go to and graduate from college. So it means a lot to me to get in. Anyways to stop blathering, I love you darling feel free to follow my Instagram and twitter: Alyxx101
Xoxo
Indie

You are enough

Fat. F A T. 3 letters that impacted me so deeply, they left lasting effects. I was blessed to never be hospitalized or get to that point, but still I was plauged, it started with the occasionally skipped meal and harder workout session. Then I started consistently skipping breakfast and then lunch and then dinner, on the days my mom didn’t make me eat. I purged when she did. I counted calories obsessively and followed a strict workout routine. I hated my body. Honestly I still do. But I’m trying . I still skip breakfast and lunch but I eat dinner and I don’t purge it.  I limit my workout time. I’m trying. At sixteen I am five foot even and 100 pounds. I am enough. I . am . enough.

Feel free to follow my Instagram and twitter : alyxx101
I love you peeps!!
Xoxo indie

why i am anti social

so today, my ex literaly threatened to kill me. in the middle of the hall way. of. my. high. school. ughhhhhhhhhhh. i cannot stress this enough: i do not care what you say or think, its not like your going to act on it anyway. just like you never beat my new boyfriends face in or smashed his car. every one knows your a bloody coward. always have been always will be.

you see, while i am not the most proactive, speak out, take action sort of girl, i am not a coward. i will stand up for me. and i do what i say ill do. you can be sure of that. so when i say im going to the cops because your stocking me. i will go to the cops because you are stocking me. because yes, having people follow me, keep tabs on me, telling you everything i do and say and who i talk to COUNTS AS STOCKING.

sorry for the rant guys, ive just had a lot of pent up emotion all day. its hard because my friends all say the same thing, get over it. so this makes up for them sucking

until next time

xoxo indie moon

time

a year and a half. it can be forever or not enough time at all. for example, it seems like an eternity when you have to endure a year and a half of hell before you can move out. but it seems like the blink of an eye when its all the time left you have with someone before they leave. so the question is, how do you maximize or minimize time at the same time. haha time is the work of the day here i guess. sorry im tired. if this dosent make sense i blame little sleep lots of caffine and huge amounts of stress. i finally got out of therapy though, thats a plus. it was hard trying to find time and pour out my heart to some women i didnt even know. she didnt even act like she cared either. lot of help that was.

till next time, indie

inside out.

its been four months. four months and tonight could be it. all because of one asshole who dosent even know me. im trying. i really am. but im unraveling. at the seems at the threads at the base of all human existence. where to go from here nowhere to go from here

today.

today, i assure myself, i dont care what anyone thinks.

i said that yesterday too

over and over again i repeat in my head.

and yet i still listen to the scale

to the demons in my head.

to others opinion of me

although theyve never lived my life.

hate on top of hate, tearing down rather than building up

but eventually, perhaps there will be nothing left to destroy.

and perhaps i can start again, and make a stronger foundation,

never to be torn apart again